JOKES

~~ Redneck 911 Call ~~



A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He frantically blurts out to the operator,"O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.

He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy.

I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions.

First, lets make sure he's dead.

"There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!

The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"


The Old Man's Physical

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.
The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally?

How is your connection with God?''
And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight.

We have a real bond, he's good to me.

Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the

light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves.

Is this true?''

And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''

~~ LoShNa~~